What My Golden Doodle Puppy Taught Me About Grief

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The cone of sadness.

My little 6 month old golden doodle puppy got spayed today.

My poor little baby, who was jumping around and bounding with energy just yesterday, had a hysterectomy today and is in so much pain.

To make matters worse, her little head is wrapped in a plastic cone. She’s between sizes. The small cone was too small and she could still reach her incision, so they put her in the next size up, which is so big for her tiny head, that it’s overlapped in how it wraps. It’s so heavy on her little neck that she can barely lift her head. She’s confused, sad, and in pain.

She has to wear this ridiculous thing for two weeks. In addition to an anti-inflammatory, she’s on painkillers and sedatives to keep her calm enough to deal with it, so she can heal.

I’m looking at her and I feel so bad. It’s going to be a long two weeks for her, especially in dog time. But then I thought, after these two weeks, her whole life is going to be so much better! If she only realized how great she’s going to feel after these two weeks! She’ll be jumping and bouncing and playing and joyful again!

Suddenly, through that same lens, I looked at my own life and what I’m going through with the sudden death of my husband. And I thought, is it just BARELY possible, that despite my shattered heart and crushed soul, that God could have an amazing life planned for me after this?

Could it be possible, that after this excruciating pain, I might feel happy again? Is this even a possibility? When I look at how long two weeks might feel to my puppy in dog years, I wonder how many years of pain and sorrow I have to go through before I can be truly joyful again. And I know there can be moments of joy in my grief now, but I mean, having a truly happy life again.

And I realize, my puppy has NO idea that her pain and frustration with wearing the cone will be over in two weeks. And I wonder when I will be able to take off my cloak of sadness and stop wearing the heavy coat of grief that envelopes me day and night.

For my puppy, I, as her master, will know when the appropriate time is, and then I will take off her cone of frustration and sadness. Her wound will be healed by then. And when that cone comes off, she’ll feel freer than she’s felt in weeks. She’ll run and jump and play and enjoy eating her food with ease.

So I need to trust MY Master, my Creator, the God of the Universe, and His infinite Wisdom, to know the appropriate time to set me free from the heavy chains of my sorrow. Only He knows when my wounds will be healed enough to do so. And then, oh and then, how happy and free I will be.


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