I think one of the worst things about being a widow, besides EVERYTHING, is that I used to be a squishy girly girl. My man took care of me and I liked it …
He took care of what I like to call “the boy stuff” around the house. I mostly did the woman stuff. Sure, I helped mow the lawn, weeded the garden and other yardwork, because I enjoyed being outside working together.
Since he died, the chores are endless.
But he did all the manly stuff – took care of the cars, trimming the trees and shrubs, lifting bags of mulch, changing the oil and blades on the tractor each Spring, the pool maintenance, fixing the fences, spraying for weeds, and the list goes on.
Since he died, the chores are endless. I have all of my regular things to do that I always took care of, plus my husband’s list. There was never enough time to do everything even BEFORE he died and there were two of us doing it. Since then I’ve had to deal with car issues, plumbing issues, heavy yardwork, etc. From taking care of everything inside the home – laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc., to all the paperwork – bills, taxes, etc., to all the tech stuff and their glitches – computers, cell phones, internet, etc., to everything outside – yardwork, fence maintenance, car maintenance, etc.
Today I was outside dragging heavy bags of mulch around the yard and mulching the gardens – something my husband used to do – only to open a bag and find tons of wiggly termites! YUCK!!! Which leads me to this: I don’t want to be the boy! Boy stuff is gross! I MISS being able to just be a lady and not have to deal with stuff like this. I don’t want to do both. I don’t want to BE both the woman AND the man!
It shouldn’t be like this! I know I CAN do anything, but I don’t WANT to do EVERYTHING! I miss just being me. We both died that day.